It's Time To Stop Running Away From Pain

Have you ever heard of the term "buffering?" This term was first introduced to me from the creator of The Life Coach School, Brooke Castillo. It's a term I use with my clients often because it is something every single human experiences.

Buffering is when you lessen or moderate the impact of something. So when humans buffer, we are trying to distract ourselves or to feel good about a not so good situation. Some ways we buffer can be social media scrolling, overeating, overdrinking, or overworking. Basically anything you can overdo is usually a form of buffering.

Buffering can also look like good things on the outside but if the motive is to avoid reality or lessen the pain, it is still considered buffering. Activities like volunteering or exercising may seem good at the time, but if you're overdoing it and keeping yourself busy as a means to avoid suffering, that too is buffering. Buffering makes us feel better for a short time or it makes us feel nothing at all. That's why we do it, and we all do it far more than we realize.

Recognize your own personal buffering

Think for a moment about what you reach for when you're wanting more control over your pain without actually addressing how you feel. When you know what you reach for, think through what the underlying problem is that you're trying to avoid. Ask yourself: What kind of cycle of avoidance am I in right now? Recognizing buffering is so crucial to gaining the power back.

Take action against buffering

You may be wondering, what do I do once I've recognized the buffer?

I challenge you to carry around a journal or to have a note on your phone where you can write down what's going on inside of you when you notice yourself leaning towards buffering. When it's triggered, instead of jumping in, pause and address the underlying cause. This can help you see what kinds of things need to be worked through in your life. Maybe you are in conflict right now and you don't know how to work it out because the other party involved isn't willing. This conflict keeps popping up in your mind and you're making yourself busier and busier so you don't have to think about it or deal with it.

Try to slow down and journal through some of those thoughts. You can even write a letter––you don't have to send it to anyone but write it just to get those feelings out so they don't carry so much power.

Maybe you've been living in reactive mode for so long that buffering is just a way of life now. You aren't on top of your life because your life is on top of you. I want you to know it truly doesn't have to be this way. You may not see a way out but I've watched so many people come out from under habitual buffers they never thought could go away.

Everything is a practice. You're not going to try this once and totally tackle overnight a buffer that has become a habit in your life. You also aren't going to get rid of buffers altogether because by human nature we avoid pain. But don't let that discourage you, because it's still important to notice and deal with the hard things––there's so much freedom found on the other side.

Helping you uncover your personal buffering and introducing better habits that will serve you is one of the many things I do for my coaching clients. Click here for more information about my services.